Here We Go Again!

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Never would we have imagined that the journey to motherhood was going to be so long and painful. However once we knew the challenges we faced and that we would only be able to have a child using IVF we decided that after baby number 1 was born we wouldn’t wait too long to have baby number 2.

When we decided to try for a baby the first time we were full of naive excitement and total ignorance. We never thought we would be the ones who needed fertility treatment or lost a baby. The benefit of hindsight means that we are fully aware of the potential set backs that lay ahead. We know it may take a long time and it may be a bumpy ride so why wait when we know we want another child?

While I was pregnant with our little boy we decided that as soon as there was the chance to try again we would. We would save our frozen embryo for the future and, while I was relatively young, make some more embryos. That was the plan. That seemed like the most sensible idea. Once my body had returned to normal we thought we’d get going on IVF number 2. All of that was until our little bundle of joy arrived and turned our lives spectacularly upside down! So when the opportunity to try again came while our baby was still such hard work we took one look at each other and agreed that in no way were we ready to cope with two little monsters! We were exhausted and our little baby was a complete handful. In many ways he still is!

So when asked by friends and family when we would try again we quite honestly said next year. However we now have got to the point where we feel like (relatively) confident parents who have, to some degree, begun to resume normal life. We sleep pretty well and are enjoying our son so much that we now feel that its time to do it all over again! Are we mad?

Despite the craziness of our lives now, the stress of pregnancy and the ordeal of trying to conceive, absolutely nothing is better than the love I have for my son. I would feel so blessed to have another little one to join our family. Last time we shared it all with our close family and friends. We needed the support as we blindly went through IVF. This time we know what lies ahead, so unbeknownst to all our friends and family we have began the process! Today is day 4 of my shots and next week may be the egg collection. It’s mad. Totally mad and completely exciting!

31… eek!

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Today is my birthday! I feel very blessed to be spending it with my gorgeous little baby boy. A year ago I had just found out I was pregnant which certainly softened the blow of leaving my 20s behind and turning the dreaded 30. Despite my joy that the IVF had been successful I still never allowed myself to entertain the idea of actually having a baby a year later. It was just too hard to imagine after the ordeal we had faced.

So the fact that a year has passed and the stressful pregnancy has resulted in a beautiful baby is a dream come true. I feel so grateful that my prayers and wishes were answered.

I have more to be grateful for too. Firstly I have made amends and rebuilt my relationship with a very old and special friend whom I had fallen out with and secondly my lovely mummy has been given a clean bill of health. So this year as I celebrate with my husband by my side and my baby in my arms I will feel so contented and at peace.

New Year, New Beginning

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Tonight is the start of a new year for me as it is Rosh Hashonah, the Jewish New Year. It is a time for family, honey cake and hope for the year ahead. As I stand in synagogue I will pray for happier times in the forthcoming year. Each year we ask to be inscribed in the book of life for a good and sweet new year. I hope our prayers are answered and we will be blessed with a healthy baby. My faith has been tested more this year than ever before and I hope it will be renewed in the year ahead. Happy New Year to you if you are celebrating, and happy new beginning to you if you are just in need of a fresh start.

Big Fat Positive

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We had our blood test on Friday. The days preceding it were a blur of anxiety, over analysis and momentary excitement. I had had intermittent symptoms, but I was so unsure about whether they were a result of a pregnancy or the progesterone. I was 50-50. It could have gone either way.

At the clinic they took my blood and then we sat and waited for what felt like an eternity. Actually my husband sat and waited and I did laps of the waiting room. Eventually the nurse returned to say that it had been worth the wait and we were pregnant! I was shocked. Maybe I had tried to prepare myself for (more) bad news.

I am so relieved, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Inevitably I don’t feel the same as last time. Gone is the naive joy and giddy excitement. I am entering this pregnancy with my eyes wide open. I am all too aware of all the things that can, and do, go wrong. It is a long road ahead, but at least we are on the right track now. This time I will not daydream of the future or make any plans. I will focus on the 7 week scan and then take it from there. Please g-d things will have a happy ending this time. Maybe there could be sunshine and blue skies ahead.