Today is my birthday! I feel very blessed to be spending it with my gorgeous little baby boy. A year ago I had just found out I was pregnant which certainly softened the blow of leaving my 20s behind and turning the dreaded 30. Despite my joy that the IVF had been successful I still never allowed myself to entertain the idea of actually having a baby a year later. It was just too hard to imagine after the ordeal we had faced.
So the fact that a year has passed and the stressful pregnancy has resulted in a beautiful baby is a dream come true. I feel so grateful that my prayers and wishes were answered.
I have more to be grateful for too. Firstly I have made amends and rebuilt my relationship with a very old and special friend whom I had fallen out with and secondly my lovely mummy has been given a clean bill of health. So this year as I celebrate with my husband by my side and my baby in my arms I will feel so contented and at peace.
Inevitably a number of my friends, or ladies I know, have had babies or announced their pregnancies during the time when we were consumed by sadness at the loss of our baby. Of course a part of me was filled with jealousy. It made me feel like a bad person. However I realised it was only natural to feel this way. I felt robbed of the baby I was expecting. When I felt bad I reminded myself that I was still happy for them, I just wished I could have the same. There was no need to feel guilty about completely normal emotions. So if you feel that way don’t be too hard on yourself. Also remember that just because they are having a baby doesn’t mean there is one less in the world for you!
One of my best friends was due a week before me and we had excitedly discussed our pregnancies and maternity leave together. When I lost our baby it was hard to see her progress through her pregnancy. I felt that I should be doing the same. She totally understood when I needed not to see her for a bit and was beyond understanding about my emotions. Her gorgeous baby has now arrived and I adore him. However I was worried about how jealous I might feel and, based on my experiences, whether the labour would go safely. Thankfully all went well. And I can say with complete honesty that I feel nothing but happiness for her. When I saw his little face it was impossible not to feel joyous. He is a bundle of loveliness and a blessing to my friend. Obviously I wish I could be in that position but now that I am pregnant I at least feel there is a chance of that being me someday. And when I do I know she will be absolutely thrilled for me too.
“Tragedy happens in everyone’s life, everyone’s circle of family and friends. Be the person that others can count on when it does. I think that between 30 and 40 is the decade when a lot of shit finally starts to happen that you might have thought never would happen to you or those you love. Parents die, spouses die, babies are still-born, friends get divorced, spouses cheat… the list goes on and on. Helping someone through these times by simply being there, listening and not judging is an honor and will deepen your relationships in ways you probably can’t yet imagine.” (Rebecca, 40)
NE, JB, MB & GB
You’ve certainly done this for me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you xxxx