Never would we have imagined that the journey to motherhood was going to be so long and painful. However once we knew the challenges we faced and that we would only be able to have a child using IVF we decided that after baby number 1 was born we wouldn’t wait too long to have baby number 2.
When we decided to try for a baby the first time we were full of naive excitement and total ignorance. We never thought we would be the ones who needed fertility treatment or lost a baby. The benefit of hindsight means that we are fully aware of the potential set backs that lay ahead. We know it may take a long time and it may be a bumpy ride so why wait when we know we want another child?
While I was pregnant with our little boy we decided that as soon as there was the chance to try again we would. We would save our frozen embryo for the future and, while I was relatively young, make some more embryos. That was the plan. That seemed like the most sensible idea. Once my body had returned to normal we thought we’d get going on IVF number 2. All of that was until our little bundle of joy arrived and turned our lives spectacularly upside down! So when the opportunity to try again came while our baby was still such hard work we took one look at each other and agreed that in no way were we ready to cope with two little monsters! We were exhausted and our little baby was a complete handful. In many ways he still is!
So when asked by friends and family when we would try again we quite honestly said next year. However we now have got to the point where we feel like (relatively) confident parents who have, to some degree, begun to resume normal life. We sleep pretty well and are enjoying our son so much that we now feel that its time to do it all over again! Are we mad?
Despite the craziness of our lives now, the stress of pregnancy and the ordeal of trying to conceive, absolutely nothing is better than the love I have for my son. I would feel so blessed to have another little one to join our family. Last time we shared it all with our close family and friends. We needed the support as we blindly went through IVF. This time we know what lies ahead, so unbeknownst to all our friends and family we have began the process! Today is day 4 of my shots and next week may be the egg collection. It’s mad. Totally mad and completely exciting!
Kirsty Allsopp recently declared that ‘nature isn’t a feminist’ and inadvertently caused uproar on twitter. She was accused of being patronising and of telling ladies what to do with their ovaries. I disagree. Her advice, perhaps based on her experiences, have lead her, and myself to conclude that despite our efforts to fight time with modern medicine, yoga, positive thoughts and the latest diet fad the cold hard truth is that if you want to have children then you have a small window of opportunity. Women have made enormous progress towards gender equality in our life choices both in educational opportunities and career successes, but when it comes to fertility, nature sticks up two fingers at choice, options and power and entirely calls the shots. Men’s fertility does not have such limitations. Nature doesn’t care about feminism.
Jude Hurrell wrote in the Huffington Post that:
Yes it would be nice if having a career and having a child weren’t mutually exclusive. Yes it would be nice if we could find a way to lessen the impact pregnancy has on women’s careers and their employers. It would be nice if we could meet young families’ needs and spread the financial, practical and emotional demands of having babies across a family-friendly society. It would be nice if we could engage an educated, experienced and dedicated work-force of women in flexible positions without compromising their ambition or the needs of their children, but until that happens, let’s stop kidding ourselves. At the moment, having a baby involves making sacrifices. It’s up to women and their families to decide what those sacrifices are going to be.
Besides, saying women shouldn’t have to choose between a career and a family is another way of saying we can have it all, right? Don’t get me started on that one. Women are constantly bombarded with messages that we can and should have it all; a dynamic career, a close family, a happy marriage, a fit bod and a beautiful home, all in the name of girl power. But rather than being uplifting, this ideal just puts women under more pressure. Cos the flipside of saying women can have it is all is the implication that if they don’t they’re missing out, letting themselves and their families down. It’s ok not to tick all the boxes, all of the time.
What do you think? Sadly I think that women need to realise that each life decision has implications on other areas of their lives and couples who delay having children must be prepared for the risks associated with that choice.