Ben Fogle Speaks For The First Time

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TV star Ben Fogle has bravely spoken for the first time about the heartache of nearly losing his wife during the birth of his stillborn son. In August his wife Marina was within 20 minutes of death, as she struggled to give birth to their third child, a son who was stillborn at 32 weeks. The presenter admitted that the harrowing experience was a reminder of the fragility of life and has made him appreciate every moment with his young family – Ludo, four, and Iona, three. He described how the son he never had the pleasure of meeting inspires him and motivates him to ensure his children ‘enjoy every moment of their life’.

‘There’s a little boy we never got to know and if there’s anything we owe him in getting so close to having met him, and yet so far, it’s to live life even more for him,’

The father-of-two says that since the ordeal in August, not a day goes by when he doesn’t say ‘I love you’ to his family and says the experience taught him he to never take life for granted. The presenter says his philosophy is now to smile, be happy and to seize opportunity that he possibly can.

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Losing My Sh*t

When you want to be pregnant nothing is more depressing than an endless stream of pregnancy announcements. It sounds awful but that feeling isn’t from a malicious place where you begrudge others their happiness. Don’t feel bad. The truth is it hurts and serves as a reminder of what you want and feel unable to achieve. Hang in there. And stay away from Facebook!

The Uncertainty

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This quote sums up this year perfectly. Firstly it applied to the excruciating wait for our IVF to begin again after we lost our baby earlier this year. I was so desperate to be pregnant again and so scared that the IVF wouldn’t work. However it is even more apt now as we wait for a successful ending to this pregnancy. I suppose all aspects of life are heaped with uncertainty and ambiguity and unless you are fortunate enough to have unwavering faith that a greater power will make everything go how it ought to, we must just be positive and stay hopeful.

Paranoia of the Moment

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The relative calm following the scan has invariably dissipated and my new anxiety centres on my sleeping habits. I know I sound totally mad but I have read and been told that it is not advisable to sleep on your back, my sleeping position of choice. Experts recommend that pregnant women not sleep on their backs during the second and third trimester because of the weight of the growing uterus and baby pressing the vena cava, the main vein that carries blood back to the heart from your lower body region. If compressed, it can interfere with optimum circulation. Instead it is advisable to lie on your side.

So this week I have tried to train myself to sleep on my side. Easier said than done! Despite building a fort out of pillows that encourage me to sleep on my side, and which have left my husband with a very small patch of bed space, I have woken up in the night on numerous occasions to find that I have made my way onto my back again. Then, in a panic, I have tried to reposition myself. This has lead to some very disturbed sleeping patterns.
How can I change my well established sleeping position? How on earth does anyone sleep on their side? It’s so uncomfortable! Did you change your sleeping position? Or, as I fear, am I bonkers?

Bump Style

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Zoe Saldana Grocery Shopping At Whole Foods

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How gorgeous do these pregnant ladies look? Now obviously they have stylists, unlimited budgets and custom made pieces but it has been hard to find anything decent to wear now my waistline has expanded. I don’t lose sleep over the clothes I wear and I can put up with looking a bit frumpy but it does make question why maternity wear is so hideous? Is the assumption that when pregnant you will cease to care about your appearance? Don’t get me wrong, I love being in trackies, but occasionally I would like to look semi-stylish. I have a wedding to attend in 3 weeks and I have just found a dress. But it was pretty slim pickings. If you have any pregnancy style tips please let me know.

Fingers Crossed

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Today is our 22 week scan and, all being well, I shall leave feeling immensely relieved that we have passed the dreaded 21 week stage where we got to last time. My confidence in this pregnancy has risen and I now find myself daydreaming of the future. It’s a strangely unsettling experience. At our previous scan the consultant said that if everything was fine then we would be discharged from fetal medicine and under the care of the regular maternity ward. Eeek. Fingers crossed.

Home Again

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Sadly we are home now from our holiday. We had a gorgeous week in Israel and it was wonderful to spend time with my family and husband. It seems so strange to think that the last visit to Israel, 2 weeks after our termination for medical reasons, was during such a dark and depressing time. For this visit we were in a different, hopeful and positive place. So much can change in 8 months.

We walked along the same beach we always do and silently hoped that our next visit would be with a little one in tow.

The baby is increasingly active and I love the movements I can feel. Hopefully soon my husband will get to feel them too. Every night I place his hand on my tummy convinced he will feel the kicks. I can’t wait for him to enjoy it too.