Yesterday we had our first midwife appointment. It was a fairly routine registration which did not involve a scan, but it was bizarre to be back at the hospital which we left with heavy hearts almost 6 months ago. Somehow it made the whole thing real.
The midwife was understandably upbeat and congratulatory. My response probably seemed solemn and dismissive. When she heard about how the last pregnancy ended she told me to ‘be positive’ which was not particularly helpful. I understand it is her job to be reassuring, and she was entirely well-meaning, but I will not be able to manage positivity until we are told all is well with the baby. Sadly we have a while to wait for that.
However, on hearing our history she did refer us to Fetal Medicine which will enable us to have extra monitoring and care. The Fetal Medicine Unit is where the terrible diagnosis took place last time. However the consultant assured us that in the future he would take good care of us. 2 hours later a kind and sypathetic midwife called to schedule the 12 week scan and seemed to know exactly how I was feeling. Instead of expecting me to be overjoyed and excited to she asked how scared I was and how I was feeling. It made me feel that we were in safe hands and that she knew exactly how women in high risk pregnancies feel. So the fear remains, but at least we are going to be well taken care of.