Shpilkes

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Shpilkes, meaning a state of impatience or agitation, is a Yiddish term that adequately sums up my feelings. I have fully accepted that I am going to be on shpilkes until our anomaly scan.

On a bad day I can convince myself that:

a) I was never pregnant (despite a blood test and two home pregnancy tests).

b) I am going to have a miscarriage.

c) I’ve had a miscarriage without knowing (mmc).

d)  This will be an ectopic pregnancy.

e) This baby is going to have health complications and we will have to terminate.

It’s exhausting! I was desperate to be pregnant, and don’t get me wrong, I am unbelievably glad and grateful that it worked, but it certainly doesn’t mean we can relax. There are so many obstacles ahead.  But at least it is the end of the beginning.

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