I’m having trouble sleeping. It is partly the hot summer nights and partly the pregnancy. Not that I am complaining. Quite the opposite. I am eager to spot these symptoms as I am a little panicked that since I feel fine something awful has happened.
No last night it was undoubtedly due to two consecutive nightmares. One horribly vivid one featured a doctor telling me that this baby was also severely ill and that we should terminate the pregnancy, again. It doesn’t take a genius to realise that having lost our first baby at 21 weeks I am anxious about the pregnancy.
I just so desperately want this one to work out. I was expecting these fears, and the rational part of me knows that is all they are. But there is still a small voice in the back in my mind saying ‘what if it happens again?’. Despite this I would still choose pregnant and anxious over not pregnant and anxious. Why do I feel like I am between the devil and the deep blue sea?