When we lost the baby everyone was insistent that we, particularly me, should go see a psychologist or therapist to deal with the trauma and loss. Previously I had never had any desire or reason to do such a thing. In fact I felt it was a fairly self-indulgent past-time for the LA celebrity kids and the real crazies of the world. However I also realised that it couldn’t hurt and it would reassure my worrier of a Dad. I decided to be open-minded.
I began weekly sessions with a lovely woman. Never one to be the ‘feelingsy’ type I found it surprisingly easy to talk about everything. I had a lot to say. However, in retrospect, I don’t think I ever got emotional. I don’t like to cry in front of others or show vulnerability. She listened and told me reassuring things which I constantly challenged. I didn’t want to hear clichés. She told me all my emotions and the way I was coping was entirely normal considering the emotional roller coaster. We agreed that my depression, anxiety and fears were a direct result of the circumstances, rather than due to a pre-existing disposition for mental health issues. We eventually agreed that I didn’t need to continue to see her as I basically had something shit happen which I was dealing with. And that was that.
The thing is I am so lucky to have the very best of friends, and husband, who I got better therapy from. One of them is an actual psychologist! They know me, they are available when I need them, they feel emotionally connected to me and they don’t charge! Who needs a therapist when you are blessed with such great friends! I hope I never need to be there for them in this way, but if I do I will stand beside them like they have for me. Never will I take for granted the support, kindness and love they have given me.